LEADSERSHIP
1. Personal Leadership Part I: What is leadership?
2. Personal Leadership Part II: What does it take to be a leader?
3. Personal Leadership Part III: How do we own our leadership?
When I’ve had conversations with various individuals about leadership, I’ve noticed that leadership seems to hold an “other” quality for them. That is to say, leadership is always about someone else. How do you see leadership? Do you see yourself when you think of a leader or do you think of someone else?
What I would like us to explore in these three sections is YOUR leadership. YOUR capacity to lead: your thoughts, your feelings, your behavior, and through this, your life. Leadership is an innate yet often latent talent that once owned and mastered, translates into a capacity to formulate and inspire new ideas, perspectives and action. These qualities, in turn, influence your life and impact the world around you.
Now, why would this matter? Well, do you like everything in your life, your home, your community? How about the news? Do you like what is on the news? Do you get up in the morning knowing you have the power to change what is not working for you, even out into the world?
It works like this: Let’s pretend that there are two worlds–‘your’ world, which is your thoughts, feelings, ideas, action, family, work, and immediate environment. Then there is ‘that’ world: where things seem to happen without your say or influence. If you knew that everything in ‘your ‘ world rippled out into ‘that’ world, would you still think you have no say or influence in ‘that’ world?
Now, let’s see if that is true. Think of someone you consider a leader. When you think of this person, ask yourself: What made or makes them different? What is it they did or do consistently that makes them stand out from the ordinary? Why do I know who they are?
When I think of a leader, many come to mind, among them Mother Teresa. I have not been to Calcutta, India; however some time ago, a very close friend went to work with Mother Teresa for a few weeks. The state of poverty he witnessed was so great he still has a hard time grasping the possibility of what he experienced. In an impoverished city of 12, 900,000, these were the unwanted of the unwanted, the forgotten of the ignored, and the unseen. Yet Mother Teresa felt that it was her work to assist these who no one else cared for or even knew about.
Mother Teresa’s desire to work with those who needed help in Calcutta was private. It came from her views on who she was or what she was about in the world. But when her private perspectives turned to action, as all our perspectives do, who she was privately showed up publicly and made a difference in the life of many.
What difference did her actions make? What mark did they leave? I see unwanted people becoming wanted, first by Mother Teresa and then by others around her. I see others who have been inspired by her actions and chose to do something in their own communities. I see a broader reference of what it means to be human…humanity in a facet formerly ignored. I see an increase in kindness, compassion, and understanding. I see news that is positive.
Where do you see Mother Teresa’s influence in the world coming from?
‘Our’ world always touches ‘that’ world, whether we are conscious of it or not. Every thought we dwell on, every emotion we choose to focus on, every perspective we hold about reality, reaches out to influence ‘that’ world as well as our own. When we choose to own this reality, we connect with our source of leadership. What then, is leadership?
Leadership is the consistent awareness, ownership and expression of our heart’s voice. It is the manifestation of our uncompromising passion, dreams and visions of what is possible and important.
What does it take to be a leader?
If leadership is the expression of our heart’s voice without compromise, how do we access our heart’s voice and what does it take to express it without compromise?
First of all, it is not as hard as we might think. There are three basic steps to access our heart’s voice and these same steps take us to the place that does not compromise this voice.
The first step is UNDERSTANDING.
As used here, UNDERSTANDING is the awareness of all possibility within any given moment.
Why is understanding important? If we don’t know the full breadth of what is possible at any given moment, we cannot really choose what we want or what is important to us. If we are not choosing what is important to us, we cannot know what we want. If we don’t know what we want, how can we choose one action over another? If we don’t know what we want, we don’t choose our life, we react to it. What keeps us from UNDERSTANDING? Fear! Understanding is masked by fear. We will simplify fear by saying that it is a perspective with an attached emotion and that emotion is saying NO. Sometimes fear is easy to recognize, like when someone asks us to jump off the bridge on a dare. Most of the time, however, fear says no in indirect ways. Excuses, denial, rationalization, or simply, in the words of the two year old within us: NO, I don’t want to. No reason, just NO.
To have UNDERSTANDING, then, we need to understand fear itself.
Imagine that you have a computer that you take with you everywhere and that this computer is programmed to beep really loud every time your experiences during the day are similar to an experience you have had before. Furthermore, this programming makes the computer add an electrical shock to its beeping when the remembered experience was uncomfortable. This program is not interested in looking at or discovering anything new in your day, its focus is to recognize what resembles existing data and what category this resemblance falls into out of two basic categories: Good, or bad.
As you spent your days with this computer, what would your days look like?
You would probably be shocked and beeped at all day and you would miss out on huge opportunities to gain new information because your alarm program would have you focused on the past and its possibilities, not on what is new and exciting out there.
Fear is an old survival programming device. Its function is to read any situation or environmental stimulus within the parameters of comparison: how is this familiar or equal to what I know? How does this compare with what has been programmed before?
We may see fear as a safety net to prevent repeating behaviors that hurt in the past. If I touch a hot stove and this is uncomfortable, don’t touch that stove again. That seems useful, yes? What we may not have realized is that we don’t need fear to know not to touch the hot stove again. We don’t need to be afraid of something to recognize its components and the results of interacting with those components.
As an old survival mechanism, fear is becoming obsolete in the face of our evolving ability to embrace all information as simply information, knowing that we have the tools to integrate that information into an ever-broadening pool of knowledge and reference from which we can choose any mix of components at any time.
When we base our decision making process on fear, we only get to experience the past, over and over again. We never get to see all the pieces in any situation, never get to access the full breadth of what we want because at any given moment we are focused only on how something is the same and whether this sameness is acceptable or to be rejected. We are not free to notice what is new and different since we are so busy defending ourselves from what appears to be a threat within what looks like the same that hurt.
Fear is not interested in broader possibilities or new outcomes to past possibilities. UNDERSTANDING, on the other hand, is associated with ever expanding possibilities, including the opportunity for new options within past possibility. It is while being aware of multiple possibilities that we can UNDERSTAND ourselves, because only in the light of many options can we truly choose one or more of these options and then know who we are because of the options we are choosing.
To become a leader, life has to be more than survival. Life has to move beyond fear into UNDERSTANDING
So how do we access our UNDERSTANDING?
By recognizing that fear can only show you the past, you’ve already taken a step toward UNDERSTANDING. Once we choose to focus on the possibilities within any experience instead of on how this reminds us of something in the past, we are accessing UNDERSTANDING, because in that change of focus we connect with all possibilities in the given moment. At that moment, our options change and we make different choices: we are in UNDERSTANDING.
The most important thing to remember about fear is that fear is a perspective; it presents a picture based on its own parameters of reality. Fear is committed to this picture and this picture feels real to you, tastes real to you, sounds real to you, looks real to you, talks real powerful and big to you, but IS NOT THE ONLY REALITY. The moment you look outside fear’s framework by choosing to look for possibilities, you see possibilities; and the moment you see possibilities, you have choice; when you have choice, you have UNDERSTANDING.
UNDERSTANDING is heart centered. Our heart is much more than a beating organ that pumps blood to our brain and body. Energetically, it is the center of our being, our access and connection to soul. Understanding gives access to the possibilities within our external reality as well as the reality of soul, the greater breadth of our awareness.
Once you move beyond the seductions of past reference into the possibilities of UNDERSTANDING, you become one with your possibilities, the innate leader in you…
We’ve reached UNDERSTANDING, our core leader, so to speak. Now we know what is important to us and fear no longer keeps us from this knowledge. Now what?
The second step is CHOICE:
We have mentioned choice before; let’s look at it again. What does it mean to choose?
Let’s say you are ordering dessert at a restaurant. How do you decide what you want or if you even want dessert? You can use your head and think about calories or what other people are ordering, or what your husband or girlfriend might think, or about the dress you want to fit in for that party coming up. You can decide with your emotions and feel the chocolate on your tongue or your mother’s anger when you ate desserts growing up, your fear of calories, your fear of new scientific opinion, and so on.
Or, you can access your UNDERSTANDING, your heart’s wisdom that knows your entire body and life reference, knows what the dessert may or may not do to nurture you, where you are with your diet in general, etc. Remember, this place is accessed through or beyond fear. This place looks for possibilities, possibilities exclusive to you because this place has a reference exclusive to you – all of you. It gives you the correct orientation to what is best for YOU regardless of what others think, feel, or emphasize as important.
That is why UNDERSTANDING comes first. With it we can move to CHOICE, not only because now we know what we really want but also because in this place of Understanding we access YES! Yes, anything we can imagine or find important is possible. Yes, it can happen. We need to know that the act of choosing creates what we want, and sets us on the path to its reality in our life. Yes, ALL options are available to you and therefore everything you really want is yours for the choosing.
Choosing then calls on will. Will is the powerhouse of action: the command center of soul. In the act of choosing based on Understanding, we call on will to commit to our choice.
I call this true choice, although there is only one kind of choice, really. I do this to differentiate it from the so called choices like, “Well, if I can I will” or “I will try.” True choice understands what you really want within the context of all that you are and all that is possible and – using the strength of will, commits without compromise: I WILL be, do this. I may not know how yet, I may not realize now what is required to get there, but I WILL be or do it!
I’ve understood, I’ve chosen, now what?
The third step is PERSISTENCE:
Sticking with it. Staying on target. Remaining focused. These are all obvious examples of persistence.
Taking it a step further, persistence means knowing you will meet fear again; knowing you will loose touch with your clarity and understanding from time to time. In these moments, it takes persistence to return to UNDERSTANDING and continue with the choice you made.
I remember when my first daughter was born; of course I was committed to being there for her. Of course I was a mother now. What happened when I was exhausted because she did not sleep at night but cried and cried? What did motherhood look like when I fell asleep walking her? When I had no clue how to help her or comfort her when she cried for hours without stopping? Was I committed then? Or better, what did commitment mean then?
Persistence is the process of returning, of rediscovering the understanding that inspired the choice, of reconnecting with the commitment of that choice and also expanding our understanding of what that choice really means.
Sometimes that reconnection takes courage because where we are in life seems to reject our choice and commitment. It seems so difficult. We never imagined it could be this hard. Did we foresee all the consequences? Did we consider the cost accurately? No, we never do.
Persistence knows that our success is not associated with a focus on the cost, or on how we did not expect something. Persistence simply persists, focused on what was chosen and the commitment we have to it.
Some of you might think that this means we never make new choices or change our understanding when we are leaders. Not so. We refine our understanding through action and experience. We choose different ways to accomplish what we want or we refine what we want and choose it, changing our focus to some degree. But the main idea, the main desire, remains.
Let’s say I understand I want to be a doctor. I take the appropriate class requirements in college, volunteer at the local hospital, meet people in the field, and study abroad during summers. In my senior year, I meet a group of physicians in Costa Rica who work totally out of the box. They don’t practice medicine as is generally known, but their methods are highly effective; 50% higher than mainstream medicine, in fact. I am awed. I ask a lot of questions. I hang out with them, watch them practice, and help out. At the end of the summer, I change my mind about studying medicine and decide to become a practitioner like one of these I’ve just met. I don’t know how to get there yet, but that is what I want to do.
You could say I did not stick to my desire to become a doctor. Why did I want to become a doctor in the first place? If I was inspired by a desire to heal, then I am in keeping with what I wanted to do. I am still going to heal, just not in the format I had originally associated with healing.
Choice from Understanding is very efficient. Through it we keep expanding our references and meaning such that we always end up living the core value of our choices and are free to do so in the best way possible because we have the flexibility to recreate our how-to-get-there’s.
Persistence also benefits from Understanding: we have access to the core of what we are persisting with, while we can adjust as needed in the process of getting there, which makes it all the easier to persist.
Now I’ve Understood, I’ve chosen, and I’ve persisted in returning to UNDERSTANDING and CHOICE. What now? Am I a leader now?
So, how then do we own our leadership? What do you think? How would you go about it now that you have these references?
Before you can even begin, you must acknowledge that you are a leader. It does not matter if you have ever seen yourself that way before.
Next, work on accessing your Understanding. This comes from wanting answers in a particular area and pursuing them one at a time. In principle, it is simple; in actuality, it is a process. It involves the intention to find our Understanding around a particular area, which awakens fears that manifest in a number of limiting behaviors or responses, such as immobility, rationalization, denial, procrastination, or avoidance. With persistence we continue to seek Understanding which allows for the dissolution of whatever form fear is acting out in. What you are left with is the Understanding you sought. For each area of interest, the process is repeated (Another reason why persistence is so helpful).
Our next step is to decide what to do with the understanding we have. Do we need more references to access yet more Understanding? Do we need more information to choose the best form of acting or living that Understanding?
Finally, we move into a habit of accessing our understanding, looking for the best action to express or pursue that understanding, moving through the fears that arise out of that action, and living in a constant openness to our understanding (an assumption that there is unlimited possibility and that we are players in that broader possibility) while willing to take action on it no matter what comes up.
This is where we have owned our leadership, where we become leaders in our lives.
Let us look at an example: life purpose. The Understanding we seek is to know our main passion for life or that which is most important to us. Let’s say that our first insight (Understanding) is that children are important to us. What do we do with this information? New questions that may arise are: Why children? What children? What about children?
We may choose to work in a day care to pursue that inquiry and discover that what we love about children is their spontaneity and genuine honesty and that what inspires us around children is to nurture, encourage and enhance those traits.
At this point fear may come in to play with us. We reconnect with all the ideas of why we are not qualified to do this and the self-questioning on how such a large cause could be developed by little old us. Fear reminds us that other people must be doing this already, since it is so important, so why should we try to get involved in something that is already being done?
As leaders, we would then reconnect with the Understanding of what is important to us and expand our inquiry: how would we help children augment and retain their genuine honesty and spontaneity? What is being done? What are we sensing about ourselves and what we enjoy doing with and for children that could tie into or improve what is being done?
These further inquiries with their associated actions help us move past the opinions of our fears, dismantling them as we go (though there are easier ways of doing this, which this website is all about) and as we move through the mirage of those voices, we get further clarity of how we want to support children and what and how to do it.
We begin with enough Understanding for action, then move to choosing action, then the increased understanding that comes from the results of that action, the coming of fear as a result of moving into new territory with those actions, the continued pursuit of Understanding and further action, until we are one with this ever expanding understanding and also, freer to act on it. For as fear dissolves, the voices grow quiet. The main speaker of those opinions has gathered new references of what is possible! How might this look in practical expression?
Let’s say that at the point where you reach the understanding that you want to help children retain their spontaneity and genuine honesty, you also realize that you could best do this by participating in a special kind of school for children that uses a teaching system that encourages this in children. You get a job within this teaching program and while there you realize that you could take this to another level because, while you love this program, you realize how so many children around the world do not have access to it and you want to make it more prevalent within the existing educational systems.
At this point you come across some information on a non-profit organization involved in working with children around the world to enhance their well being and you act on an inspiration (which comes from your access to your understanding) to contact the head of this organization to pursue the possibility of creating a special branch within that organization that is dedicated to improving the school environment and curriculum for children to enhance their ability to stay connected with their spontaneity and genuine honesty.
When you contact this person she tells you that there is something quite like this already in place within another organization and as you contact this organization you find your vision and passion are wanted there, so you get a job with them. While in that role, you continue referencing your Understanding, and you find that you see things differently than your co-workers. You have some wild but effective ideas that you have tested recently and see to work really well. You go to your boss and talk to him about implementing your ideas within the entire organization and your boss puts you in charge of making that happen. Or perhaps your boss insists this would not work and you end up leaving that organization to start your own…the saga continues…
You see how it might go? It could look very different, of course. You could end up happily engaged in the original school you got a job at, expanding your UNDERSTANDING and options through that venue. The point is that it is a process and that through Understanding, Choice and Persistence, you stay true to and expand on your life purpose.
Owning our innate leader is not a destination, it is a journey. Perhaps the best part of being a self-owned leader is enjoying the process since as leaders we are living life at its fullest. We could spend a lot of energy on resisting what we really want or what we really feel is important. We could expend enormous amount of energy being afraid, no matter what face fear is taking.
Life goes by either way: we can survive it while making lists on why we did not do what we wanted to in the first place. Or we can use that energy to reach and use UNDERSTANDING, CHOICE and repeated action, taking life full-on to enjoy the exhilaration of a ride that constantly expands in possibilities.
Not the kind of enjoyment that is limited to a moment of alcoholic buzz or release, or the fun of pretending you don’t care…but the fun of relishing the complete life you lead, the leader you are, the beauty of the world that is becoming more so through your influence!
Leadership is powerful, it is liberating, and it is freedom itself.
YOU ARE A LEADER. You can own it, live it, enjoy it, or resist it. The choice is yours!